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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163457">Scars, Old and New</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hornycadetkeith/pseuds/hornycadetkeith'>hornycadetkeith</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>TransSheith Week 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Body Dysphoria, Cis Shiro (Voltron), Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, M/M, Memory Loss, Mutual Pining, Scars, Top Surgery Scars, Trans Keith (Voltron), bathroom/shower anxiety, trans author</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:35:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,238</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163457</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hornycadetkeith/pseuds/hornycadetkeith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>TransSheith Week Day 1: Scars</p><p>Since coming to the Castleship, Keith has started feeling dysphoric about his top surgery scars. Shiro, of course, takes notice and offers to help.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Keith/Shiro (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>TransSheith Week 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1665055</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Scars, Old and New</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Keith had to quickly get used to being in communal showers at the Garrison. How to position himself just so that no one would see his chest, where best to put his towel so he could grab it quickly and move on. It sucked at first and he was constantly terrified and dysphoric, but he eventually got used to it and it became more a thorn in his side and less an open gash. </p><p>And then the second he turned 18, mere days after the Kerberos mission, Keith got his top surgery done. And barely a year later here he was. Back to square one. Avoiding the showers.</p><p>He didn’t know <em> why </em> this was happening and it was really frustrating how self conscious his scars made him feel. Any time he entered the showers and heard someone else in them he booked it and came back hours later, or not at all. </p><p>It was <em> dumb, </em> he felt so dumb- no one even looked at him or cared, he <em> knew </em> that. It didn’t help that he was suddenly involved in an intergalactic war that kept him on edge from the life and death situations. </p><p>But that just made it feel more dumb that he was too self conscious to even <em> shower. </em> </p><p>The whole ordeal had made him withdraw into himself a bit, which was very unhelpful as the paladins were attempting team bonding activities so they could successfully form Voltron. Keith was never a very open person, so having four people trying to gain access into his head due to alien space magic was not something he was into. Luckily, everyone seemed to care more about Pidge’s frustration about their family so no one bothered him. </p><p>Except for Shiro. He’d noticed, and he wasn’t going to ignore it. </p><p>They’d just finished an attempt at team bonding (mildly unsuccessful, but better than previous attempts) and Keith was hoping to use the free time to burn off some aggression. He made it out of the common area and was heading toward the gym when Shiro called out to him. </p><p>“Hey, you hitting up the gym? Mind if I join you?”</p><p>Keith hesitated before nodding and Shiro fell into step beside him. He’d hoped to shower after, but if Shiro joined him <em> he’d </em>want to shower after too…</p><p>They were able to walk in a mostly comfortable silence until they reached the gym. Keith usually practiced in his civilian clothes, but it was also good to practice in the Paladin armour, despite how restricting Keith always found it to be while fighting. </p><p>“I was planning on practicing with these,” Keith held up the practice swords he’d pulled from the equipment cabinet. Shiro nodded and took the offered sword. Keith briefly wondered if the missing black bayard would take a sword shape, like his. </p><p>A few rounds in and they were both panting heavily, sweat coating their foreheads. The suits were good for regulating body heat, but they still found themselves sweating after a few rounds. </p><p>Since it was getting late and dinner would be soon, they decided to call it a night and headed toward the lockers. They began undoing their armour when the other shoe finally dropped. </p><p>“So you’ve seemed kind of distracted lately during our exercises, anything on your mind?”</p><p>Shiro sounded so sincere and open, Keith knew if he brushed Shiro off, he wouldn’t push it. He wanted to, thought about it for a second before stopping himself. He shrugged as he gathered his thoughts. They were a <em> team </em> now, he didn’t have to carry all of his troubles on his own. Not if it was at the detriment of the team. </p><p>And Shiro was the only person on the castle ship Keith would even entertain talking to about any of his problems. </p><p>“I dunno, it’s kind of dumb honestly.” </p><p>“It’s not dumb if it’s bothering you, Keith.” Keith knew Shiro would say that, but it still felt so <em> silly.  </em></p><p>“I just,” Keith crossed his arms, “I’ve just been dealing with some dysphoria lately, that’s all.”</p><p>“Want to talk about it?”</p><p>Keith tightened his hold around himself, “Just my top surgery scars. Don’t really like looking at them right now.” He didn’t know how to explain it, not when talking felt like pulling teeth.</p><p>But Shiro nodded with a sympathetic look on his face, “I get that. I mean, it’s not the same, but. I get it with the scars- not quite feeling right.” Shiro was stumbling over his words. </p><p>Oh. <em> Oh right.  </em></p><p>The elephant in the room that was Shiro’s scarred face and lost arm. And that was just what Keith could see and <em> knew </em>about. Keith just nodded, encouraging Shiro to continue. </p><p>“I won’t claim to know what you’re going through, but for me it’s like. I mean, I don’t remember what happened to me so I can’t place what any of the scars are from,” Shiro clenched his prosthetic hand, brows furrowing, “But I’ll look in the mirror and see my body and I- I don’t really recognize it as <em> mine.” </em></p><p>Keith lowered his arms, picking at one of his gloves. “Yeah it’s kind of like that. It’s just frustrating ‘cause it didn’t bother me before. Not the scars anyway. Just feel like… it’s just as obvious as before that my body was made wrong.”</p><p>“Well, I mean this should go without saying, but no one here sees it that way. I know it only helps so much, but I just want to make sure you <em> know </em>that.” Shiro gave Keith such a sincere look, brows furrowed and a small smile on his lips. </p><p>Keith nodded. They were now down just to their bodysuits and Keith hesitated taking his off. Shiro did as well and looked as if he was thinking something over. </p><p>“Do you want to see my scars?”</p><p>Keith was taken aback. He <em> did, </em> desperately, ever since finding Shiro in the Garrison labs after crash landing on Earth. He had a sick sense of curiosity and wanted to <em> see </em>what had happened to his friend. He hadn’t pried about it, but he was very curious. </p><p>“I uh, I mean you don’t have to do that, Shiro-“</p><p>“It’s fine, I offered, and I think it would be good for me too. No one else has seen them besides me,” Shiro looked shy, scratching the back of his neck. That sounded familiar. “And maybe having someone else see them, validate them, will help. Help both of us.”</p><p>Keith’s mouth was dry when he nodded and Shiro immediately reached back for the zipper of his bodysuit. He was quick and clinical, clearly not wanting to prolong the awkward tension growing, and soon he was peeling the bodysuit off of his thick shoulders. </p><p>Shiro peeled his suit down to his hips and rested his arms by his sides, letting Keith just look. </p><p>It was a lot to take in. </p><p>The most eye-catching was a long, thick diagonal scar dragging across Shiro’s pectorals, the plush, round flesh interrupted by a thick dark line. The second was the dark scarred flesh at his shoulder where skin met metal. There was a series of gashes on his ribs that looked like they were from claws, long and deep ones. There were many smaller ones all over in varying states of healing. </p><p>Keith didn’t realize he’d stepped closer, lips parting as he took it all in. Shiro has always been fit before, from the few glimpses he’d gathered at the Garrison, but now he was much more. His pecs, his abs, his arms, all packed with muscle and well defined. Despite the scars, or because of them- or maybe they just didn’t matter- Shiro’s chest was gorgeous. </p><p>Keith’s eyes kept going back down to the claw marks on Shiro's ribs, his fingers itching to follow the path his eyes raked on Shiro's skin. </p><p>“You can touch,” Shiro’s voice startled Keith, despite how soft he spoke. Keith looked up at Shiro's face, blushing as he forgot Shiro was watching him basically <em> ogle </em> him. He raised his hand up to Shiro’s ribs, fingers lightly brushing along the marks that look like they dug in between bone. Keith couldn’t imagine having all of this happen to himself and not know <em> what </em> had caused it.</p><p>“Do any of them hurt?” </p><p>Shiro made a neutral noise, shoulders lifting slightly. “The shoulder is sore, depending on how much I work it and how much I <em> use </em> it.” He made a chopping motion with his galra hand and Keith had to hold back a chuckle at how cute that was. </p><p>“This one,” Shiro pointed to the gash on his pecs, “Feels fairly new, I mean they’re all still new, the oldest one would be a few months old,” he dryly chuckled. “Hurts a bit if I poke it,” Shiro poked it- </p><p>“Don’t poke it then!” Keith did laugh now, chest warming.</p><p>“And this one, the burn-like one, stings a bit in hot water. The rest are fine though.” </p><p>Shiro went quiet and Keith kept looking. Aside from the <em> beef, </em>it wasn’t unlike what he himself looked like, and knowing this was the first time Shiro was showing himself to anyone, showing him his trauma, Keith felt inclined to share the gesture. Before he could panic and back out, Keith moved his hands behind his neck and pulled down the zipper of his own bodysuit.</p><p>Shiro was right, maybe showing someone- the person he trusts most- maybe it’d rip the bandaid off. He doesn’t need to be afraid of someone accidentally seeing his chest if he’s already shown it to someone on his own terms.</p><p>Keith kept his face on Shiro’s chest as he exposed his own, too nervous to see his expression. Keith pulled his suit down to his hips like Shiro and fidgeted his hands with the fabric bunched under his stomach. </p><p>He’d never shown anyone his chest before, pre- or post-surgery. Obviously doctors had seen, his birth parents must have seen- <em> people have seen- </em> but not like this. Not with the warmth in his heart and nerves in his belly and the one person he cared for most equally exposed right in front of him. </p><p>Keith took a deep breath, lowered his hands and raised his face to meet Shiro’s. His eyes were aimed down at Keith’s chest and he tried not to squirm under the attention. He’d been roughly a C cup before his surgery, and now there was just the <em> slightest </em> swell of muscle growing there. It had been euphoric to look down and see a flat chest, probably one of the first times he really felt euphoria. </p><p>His body took no time in growing hair either. His nipples were surrounded with thick, dark hair and his happy trail was coming in strong, dark fuzz leading down the swell of his stomach and into his bodysuit. He was no Adonis like Shiro was, but he supposed he was alright. Though seeing how hairless and soft Shiro’s chest was validated Keith in some way, he knew Shiro just didn’t grow hair there, there was no way he <em> shaved </em> in space.</p><p>After Shiro had been quiet for a few moments, Keith did start to squirm. He couldn’t quite read the expression on Shiro’s face, was he regretting doing this? Did he have nothing good to say? Was all of his acceptance just performative-</p><p>Shiro’s galra hand was cautiously moving towards him, cold metal making Keith gasp as it rested just below his ribs. Keith’s waist-to-hip ratio wasn’t quite what he wanted it to be, but with Shiro’s hand on him…</p><p>Still unsure, but not wanting to break the tension and lose Shiro’s hand on him, Keith kept quiet. He returned his hand to Shiro’s ribs where he’d been exploring earlier and tried to keep his breathing even. </p><p>“I- I know this might not mean much,” Shiro’s voice was deep and raspy, as if he hadn’t spoken in months, “But I really don’t think you have anything to worry about.”</p><p>Keith’s cheeks and heart warmed. It was hard to take these words as mere validation of his body and ignore the huskiness to Shiro’s voice, the darkness in his eyes. The validation was effective though, his shoulders were more relaxed and he didn’t feel nervous in his stomach like he had when he first exposed himself. Now he just felt aroused.</p><p>Not trusting his voice to <em> not </em> crack horribly, Keith just nodded, hair falling into his eyes. He shook the hair away and raised his eyes to meet Shiro’s, “I don’t think you do either.”</p><p>Shiro’s cheeks were definitely pink too, having the cute effect of making his scar blend in with the darkened flesh.</p><p>But then the moment was over. Shiro cleared his throat and lowered his hand, stepping away to finish getting undressed. “We should shower, it’s getting late and they’ll be looking for us for dinner soon.”</p><p>Despite the jarring breaking of the tension, Keith smirked and followed suit. Instead of feeling shy, he felt <em> powerful. </em> Shiro was <em> flushed, </em>embarrassed, and Keith had done that. </p><p>For the first time in months, Keith confidently walked naked toward the showers, knowing there was someone absolutely watching him go. Someone who definitely tried to sneak some looks when he joined Keith a moment later in the shower. But Keith only saw Shiro’s eyes on his body ‘cause he was “sneaking” looks as well.</p><p>There was that euphoria again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wanted to put in a part where Shiro shyly brings up how lingerie makes him feel better about his scars but he got too shy and ended the scene before I could even get there</p><p>talk to me on twitter @hornycadetkeith</p></blockquote></div></div>
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